I absolutely crave the sight of an athlete with perfect form, but I’d much rather have you give me some private, professional training behind closed doors. Imagine me in the observation booth, eyes fixed on your power while I dream of exactly how you’d help me elevate and reach a breathless new peak. There is something so deliciously carnal about watching a body pushed to its limit, and I’m ready to show you how flexible I can be when I’m pointing my toes just for your satisfaction. You don’t need to be a gold medalist to handle this energy, but you’ll certainly need to keep up if you want to see me finish first tonight. Come whisper your most wicked critiques in my ear or check out my private space to see how I handle a little extra heat. I’m waiting for you to join me so we can practice some gymnastics of our own and see who really deserves the gold.
I’d like to luge. When I fly off the sled in turn one, they’ll see
Great idea. It drives me nuts how people who don’t have a prayer to remotely compete in competitive sports so readily critique athletes. My son used to compete in gymnastics, and trained for a while at an Olympic level gym. There were a few boys there, mostly it was hundreds of girls and young women, including a few Olympians. I would sit in the observation booth and listen to these overweight, out of shape parents watch these incredible athletes, every one of whom deserved nothing but admiration, and talk shit about them.
“Ugh, HOW many times do I have to TELL her to straighten those knees!”
“ELEVATE, JENNY, ELEVATE!!”
“She’s not pointing her toes! AGAIN!”
What I wouldn’t have given to watch one of those critical parents try any of those events for 30 seconds…
“ELEVATE Jenny’s mom, ELEVATE!”😂😂
I’d like the regular non-athlete to have one week of professional training beforehand so they at least get some basics/form.
Otherwise it’s just setting them up for failure for a laugh and doesn’t do as good of a job of showing just how impressive Olympic athletes are.
For some reason this reminded me of the guy in my highschool who gave so little shits about sports he ran a track event with a lit cigarette.
MF was like 6’5″ though and all the other guys his age were like 5’6″-5’10” so even a half ass jog from him was enough to get him first place…
This is me but with American Ninja Warrior. I know I wouldn’t get far, but I wanna see if I could even do any of it.
I volunteer myself as tribute. Then you’ll see how terrible the athletes are. I’ve had years of experience with wii sports and Mario and sonic Olympic games. None of my cousins have ever beaten me ( /s btw)